My Ancestral Flame is in My Bones!

9/28/17

My Ancestral Flame is in my bones.

Almost two months ago I was sitting by my dying father’s bedside in Stockholm Sweden, holding his hand and tracking his body energy. As I was sensing into the area that was effected by the cancer I could see that that part of the brain was strangely holding a frequency of activity while the rest of the brain was pretty much off line. Then as I sensed into his heart I suddenly became aware of a very vibrant and alive flame of light. As I was bringing all of my awareness to it, it quickly jumped out from my father’s heart and positioned itself right in front of my own heart about 1 inch from my actual chest. I did not sense any sensations other than a “perking- up” of my body that I couldn’t discern if it was coming from my conscious curiosity or the body itself. During the next few days this flame of light made it known to me that it was the “Ancestral Flame” that is passed down to the next of kin. (I am the oldest surviving child of my father) As my father grew closer to his final transition the Flame came closer and closer to my heart and before my father drew his last breath the Flame slid into my heart with a very gentle and light movement that caused my body to anchor down and my overall experience was that of feeling more grounded and still but clear in mind and spirit. I felt “connected” to my father and my lineage in a way I have not felt before. There was a calmness flowing through my body that helped ease the initial pain of loss and sadness. The Flame was fully within me like a round spinning flame vortex with extensions coming out like wings through my back and I felt excited to now spend time cultivating a relationship with it. I was curious as to it’s future and what it had to teach me.

After my arrival back to the states I started up a daily practice of tracking the Ancestral Flame in my body. Everyday I checked in with the Flame and with a pen I drew out it’s shapes. Everyday it was different. It had a focal point inside my heart and moved out from there. There wasn’t any type of communication that I could perceive from the Flame other than just the silent residence. I didn’t feel any particular way. Quite like myself but, just with an awareness of this inside movement. There were no epic dreams or “up loads” from the Flame. Just silence.

During this time my body did however catch a cold that lasted much longer than usual. Sleep was here and there. Most of the time split up in increments. But, all of this I just chalked up to being the result of dealing with jet lag, grief and being a mother 24/7 as I started homeschooling my son.

Now I look back and think differently...my body has changed. My frequency is different. I have become even more sensitive to simple carbs and sugars as it gets my heart pounding and my body shaking. I am hungry ALL the time for “something”, not always food. Conversations based on high levels of misalignment with self and emotional projections from others have no place in my awareness. It takes much of my energy to orientate myself around simple everyday tasks and superficial relationships and the effort weakens my body in a way that is destructive of my intention to purify and integrate.

Yesterday something changed. I did my usual check-in with the Ancestral Flame and I could not find it. There was no awareness of it at all. At this point I have become quite efficient with the practice and only need about 1 to 2 minutes of tracking to know what is going on with the Flame. What the shape of the expression is within me. But yesterday I became concerned and through out the day kept checking in. No awareness of the Flame. Then this morning I allowed myself much more time and kept sensing and tracking into every nock and cranny of my body and VOILA! I found it! It is in my bones of my spine. In the matrix of the bodies of the vertebral spinal column. However, now it’s not so much a flame it’s more a trickling movement of light along the trabeculae in the bones.

Hmm, does bone hold the wisdom of our ancestors?

to be continued....

10/11/17

I have not been able to sense the flame nor the light for several days. I am not sure what that means or what is really going on. The only thing I can say for sure is that i have a sense of a larger core. A widening of my physical container within. During this time I have also been faced with deep interpersonal relationship challenges with my son and with members of my extended family. The feeling of being trapped by my own circumstances has been very active. It has been difficult to keep my vibration up. However, it is this that is most important...to keep my frequency up in the face of adversary from the external and as well from my own internal movements. Fear, doubt and just plain existential disorientation of who I really am. I can not look at my present circumstances to gage where I am going or how I am doing. They are merely echoes from the past, my yesterdays and yesteryears thoughts and beliefs. I am choosing a different path, looking at a different experience of my own I AM. I know my light to be infinite, I know my desires that comes from abundant love is true, I know that the Beloved is the only constant, unchangeable, indestructible “being” there is. I know that the Beloved is not seeking me, but desires to know “itself” in the most highest of my personal portion of “ itself”. My higher self, my all that I am, is not something to strive or work for, it is completely resolved in me the way that I am and in the way that I choose to experience my life. There is nothing to prove or to become. I have already becometh. I see what my individuated person is struggling with...ownership! Ownership of what I know that I know. Fuck all the rest of the stuff...all the negotiations of my reasoning mind...the considerations of my obligations to the little self and her circumstances. FUCK IT ALL! why? BECAUSE IT DOES NOT SERVE ME!!!! How is it that I consider everyone else’s thoughts and feelings and NOT THE BELOVED IN ME? How is it that fear comes knocking on my door of the heart when my heart cracks open even wider and wider to the abundance of this life of mine. It is because so that I may grow stronger in my conviction of my truth. So that I can do my heavy lifting of this consciousness to expand so that I can actually hold the life that I am wanting to choose for myself. So that I can hold the bigness in my little body self. So that the grand orgasm of my Beloved light may be allowed to actualize as my person in my beingness without blowing me asunder...this time. I want safety and harmony this time. I want conscious community to be a part of my expansion. To be a witness to the love making of this glorious light. I want my transparency to be a vehicle for my own healing and growth. I want my sharing of this courtship to be the medicine for others who resonate with my particular frequency and path from darkness into the light and from this 3 dimensional experience into the 4 dimension as we are coming into HEART. OUR UNIVERSE OUR SOLAR SYSTEM IS CULLING OUT ITS HEAVY DARK ENERGY AND SHEDDING IT’S SKIN FROM THE 3RD CHAKRA IN ORDER TO COME INTO THE 4TH! WE ARE TAKING AN EPIC LEAP! This time not of faith...but of DIRECT KNOWING!!! It can not be anything else. If you are only going on your faith at this time...you are just looking at the weights of growth and expansion. YOU NEED TO PICK UP THE FUCKING WEIGHTS AND PRESS!!! Press against all that is arising in you with the most gentlest of love and compassion and the most brutal of truths. OWN YOURSELF!!! OWN YOUR AWARENESS OF YOUR OWN LIGHT! You can not change nor transform anything that is not yours. SO OWN YOURSELF AND THEN TRANSFORM!!!

This is what my tracking of my light flame this morning allowed me to see.

To be continued.....