Be still and know that I am God
Winter of 2019
Be still and know that I am God
I was born in a culture that during the time I was growing up girls were expected to be as intelligent, educated and productive as the man. Nothing wrong with that! It was about taking equality to the extreme. There was no difference between a man and a woman in the household. You had to pull equal shares, raise kids, have a career and open your own damn door and pull out your own damn chair. I was told to never depend on a man for anything. Independence was it! What he can do, you can do...and better! Be pretty but do not flaunt it. Be intelligent but not original. If you ever stood out in any way, it was frowned upon. You were not allowed to be unique. Individuality was not celebrated, the collective was.
I grew up in a neighborhood where I was the first person of color that some individuals had ever seen, ever! I was “tasted” by others for the flavor of chocolate. True story! My mother had to pull me out of day care because of all the biting I had to endure. My skin was rubbed as to see if the “color” came off.
As the years grew I was never disheartened, just very amazed that here I was a person just like everyone else, however, my skin and hair was different, but otherwise just the same. It was a strange phenomena that people’s seeing stopped at the color of my skin.
Actually, I remember feeling more superior than inferior to them. Superior because my dreams were so much larger than my friends and families dreams. My dreams were epic in my mind. I wanted to go out into the world and find God. Not the God whom asked of me to obey and pay for my sins that I hadn’t even done...I was just born with a joyous and playful heart. That was no sin to me. I didn’t want to know the God who divided us. I wanted to find the God who sat on the world stage and sang melodies from deep within her soul, who played music and created art of epic proportions. Who celebrated her unique difference as being part of a greater whole. I wanted to find God who said “go my child and play until your hearts content and then share that joy with others”.
I never found God out there. But I discovered God within, that I am Goddess, a unique aspect of the Divine who animates every living thing on this earth and this is whom I celebrate and devote my life to. Be still and know that I am God(dess).
Amen, Namaste, Aho! (ANA)