Threshold & Undomestication
The process of “undomestication” is something that I came into personal awareness of 5 years ago, and for me it’s really about the reclamation of the spirit. The innocence aspect of me, the me that is “unstruck” as in Anahata.
The word “undomestication” came natural to me, not sure if it’s because it’s something I understand on a deep and personal level having lived my life with domesticated animals. The spectrum of domestication either kills the spirit of the animal, like in our farm animals in feed lots, or preserve the spirit enough to allow the animal to access its highest potential. In the performance horse it’s important to preserve the spirit within them so they have access to their natural gifts and potential. This supports the education and cultivation of building a strong and safe athletic partner or riding companion.
In today’s experience with all that is going on personally and collectively, we are not able to hide anymore from our deeper self that might have been domesticated/parented under ground. We are feeling uncomfortably sensitive and raw, or quite the opposite, numb and stuck. I say we, only because I’m reflecting on what I witness in my work with others and in my own experience. This of course, doesn’t pertain to everyone, but, it’s a sharing of some of the patterns some of us are moving through. Certainly myself as well.
I was raised by a raging narcissist, I say raging, because it was utterly damaging to my own spirit. It was a harsh conditioning and I was domesticated to be responsible for the adult’s feelings, emotions, thoughts and actions. Meaning I was often the emotional punch bag for the adult that was raising me.
I believe, and I see this in my work, that every person, place or circumstance that we meet and are in, are there for us to meet ourselves, aspects of ourselves that haven’t yet fully completed its full expression, aspects of us that has yet to be activated and experienced as an expression of our daily existence. There are oceans upon oceans of our subconscious that are coming to shore continuously as waves of hidden wisdom dressed up as shadow material, as we call them. Suppressed, abandoned, and arrested aspect of our life flow that are now coming up through our own discomfort and rawness that are fueled by the collective perturberance and discords. The feeling of hopelessness and helplessness is running strong…and guess what? Those feelings are strongly connected to the unresolved aspects of us that was strongly domesticated for the purpose of others benefit, not our own. However, there is gold within those movements and if we are courageous and still enough we may slowly come into relationship again with this depth of arrested self wisdom.
It took years before I could find some ground as an individual and later decades to find my own voice. Actually, I am still courting that aspect of me that was unconsciously sacrificed for the well-being and comfort of others, so that I could survive. This survival was only instinctual and primal without any self reference to my individual that was emerging. For those of us who also look at the “bigger” picture of soul contracts, may see that our life path however challenging, was chosen by us for the experience. This bigger picture can sometimes be helpful when establishing an inner perspective, however, it doesn’t always make the experiences easier to digest. It can sometimes even inflict a temporary trigger of the ego structure and send us into victimhood of our own doing. This path of victimhood I have walked for many years simultaneously whilst listening to the Freedom path wanting more spaciousness in my life. I called this movement the Rebellion path.
Rebellion as safety…this path is still completing itself, it is part of my egoic maturation process. The relaxation of the confined structure of my psyche as to let some grace in. This is my walking prayer…”May grace find me in each breath, action and word.”
If you find yourself at a threshold, my experience is that we give thanks to what we are leaving behind and to what is awaiting us on the other side, even if we don’t know what it is. The unknown has a funny way of showing us mercy when we step towards it with gratitude and grace….
…may your threshold bring you closer to acceptance of your undomesticated self, aliveness and meaningful connections.
InLove,
Ombute Devi